It’s Valentine’s Day… you can’t go anywhere without being reminded by hearts, roses, and enough pink and red to make you want to vomit, right? It’s a day that for most single people (and many in a relationship), that stirs up annoyance, resistance, and bitterness. How can one holiday stir up so much for people?
If you’re someone who finds Valentine’s Day annoying, I challenge you to think about your story around love. I get that the commercialism of the holiday can be quite ridiculous. I think we can all agree on that point. But that part aside, I’m here to challenge you to examine your story around love.
What’s the story you tell yourself about love in your life?
If you’re single and feel annoyed by Valentine’s Day, is your story about scarcity and lack? Is there a little voice inside your head that whispers, “If I got really honest, I’d admit that I wish I was being loved, cherished, and romanced by someone today”. Maybe your afraid you’ll never find love, and it’s easier to outwardly denounce the holiday than to admit that deep down inside you feel lonely or sad about it.
Maybe you’re dating someone and you make some rigid rules that you don’t need Valentine’s Day because it’s ridiculous. So, is your story also one of lack, or resentment around love? Are you celebrating the love in your relationship every day? The last I checked, I didn’t see a lot of love being spread throughout the world. I think we all could use any extra expression or celebration of it that we can get. Why resist an opportunity to express love?
The reality is that it’s not love that you resist. It’s the stories around love that you resist. So again, I ask…what’s your story of love? Is it that everyone you’ve ever loved has hurt, abandoned, or disrespected you? Is your story that you’re not good enough to be loved by someone spectacular? Is your story that love only exists in fairy tales? How do you keep yourself distanced from love? And how did you get there?
You weren’t born to fear love.
You were born into this world receiving and giving love, without judgment, without fear. It is innate within us. We are born to love and be loved. It is the experiences we have in our lives, and the stories we create about the experiences we’ve had that make us terrified of love. Undoubtedly, there are some good reasons that you can begin to fear love. But reasons turn into excuses. Excuses turn into avoidance. Avoidance leads to a life of fear and hiding and being alone.
There are excuses and explanations for any good story.
Usually we turn everything into an excuse, when it’s really just an explanation. Here’s an example: Your ex-boyfriend cheated on you. It broke your heart because you loved and trusted him. Because of said broken heart, you have decided never to date again because you don’t trust anyone. Now, the “explanation” for your fear is that your heart was broken, and it seems perfectly understandable that you wouldn’t want to risk being hurt again. It makes sense. It “explains” why you feel hurt and fearful.
However, there are 7.5 billion people on this planet. Thinking that every single one that you will date in the future will also be a cheater is a bit irrational. This is how an explanation turns into an excuse. It’s your story that you can’t trust anyone. Being hurt is an explanation. Refusing to date is an excuse to keep yourself safe, but alone.
Create a new story.
If you have a negative story around love, is it true that you could find a positive story around love? What would be different if you began to focus on how much love you have in your life? What if you believed that the heart is a resilient muscle that can contract and expand repeatedly, with every broken heart and every new relationship? What if you trusted that it was ok to be vulnerable and show your love openly? What if you had the expectancy for love to arrive in your life at any given moment? How might this Valentine’s Day be different (or any other day, for that matter)?
So, on this Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to separate your negative stories from love. Make a new story… one that is juicy, expectant, abundant, and confident. Abandon fear and resistance. You deserve to love and be loved.