Most people can’t stand the vulnerability of dating. Exposing who you are to complete strangers, with the hope or fear that someone will approve of you can be incredibly stressful, even for those with healthy self-esteem.
Dating requires the risk of opening yourself to the possibility of rejection. Online dating, in particular, can increase this vulnerability when you’re waiting to see how many winks, swipes, matches, and messages you get. It can be a rough ride for those with low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. It’s enough to make you want to give up sometimes.
The problem is that most people go through the dating process being guided by the underlying question of “will this person like, love, or accept me?”
This type of thinking can leave you feeling disempowered and anxious. You may feel like you’re just waiting around for the right person to notice you.
If you can relate, it’s time to ask a new question which will help you make a powerful shift in your dating mindset:
“Is this person capable of loving me and meeting my needs?”
The trick is to stop waiting for the perfect partner to find you, and instead, you place yourself in the position of being an empowered consumer of dates. It’s important to improve your self-awareness so you know who you are, and what you want and need in a partner.
You’ve got to trust that your needs are important, and even more important is finding a partner who is capable of meeting your specific needs. Relationships fail when we settle for partners who aren’t compatible with us, or who are unable to love us in the ways we need to be loved.
Dating should be like going to the grocery store, and looking for the perfect item for a recipe. You don’t walk into the store and wait for someone to read your mind and magically deliver your food. No! Instead, you make a list of what you want, then you walk down the aisles, you compare prices, read labels, and make a purchase. Sometimes shopping can be impulsive, but when you want to make the right recipe, you thoughtfully plan and shop. You don’t buy just anything, right? You know what you want and you usually trust that the store will have it- and likely, lots of it. Why should dating be any different? You can be a dating consumer.
Of course, it takes two people being interested in each other to form a relationship. However, if you can shift your thinking to a more empowered state and trust that there are many potential partners for you to choose from then you will feel less vulnerable and anxious about waiting for that perfect partner to choose you. You get to choose. Use this gift!
The key is to know what you want and need in a partner, and not to settle.
There are over 7.5 billion people on this planet. There are infinite possibilities for love for everyone. It’s time to stop asking yourself if your date likes you. Stop waiting and become the chooser, not the chosen.
*Article originally published on Digital Romance by Chelli Pumphrey.