Why I Stopped Longing For Love

Some of us are just fine with going about our days as happy single people, enjoying the freedom and ease that it can bring. Some of you may find happiness in your days but still feel a sense of discontent and loneliness without a loving relationship in your life. And there may be others who feel deeply dissatisfied without a partner. 

When we allow the longing for love to create unhappiness, loneliness, and scarcity in our days, not only do we feel miserable, but we end up making it more difficult to find love. 

There was a time in my single life where my thoughts were creating a lot of loneliness and scarcity. The more I focused on the lack of love in my life, the more my mind and heart found experiences to validate this belief. It was everywhere I looked! 

I could be walking through the aisles of a grocery store and see a couple shopping, only to be reminded of being alone. 

I could be laying in bed alone at night, and feel the coldness of the sheets and remind myself of who was missing. 

I would fear making big decisions in my life because I didn’t have anyone to bounce ideas off of, or to share in my experiences. 

My mind was looking for evidence of the absence of love, because it was the focus of my pain. 

When I realized that the more I focused on this, the more I seemed to find evidence of my aloneness in the world, I knew I had to stop. I made a declaration of what I wanted: LOVE. And then I began to find evidence of the love that surrounded me in the world. 

I looked at the couple in the grocery store and thought to myself, “how beautiful to see love like that in the world”. 

I laid in my bed and stretched out as far as my body could bear, and relished in the feeling of the soft sheets, and the spacious freedom of one person in a bed. I imagined the bed holding me like a nurturing mother, loving me in her arms. 

I cherished my independence as a form of loving myself, as I could make decisions that were only in my best interest. I didn’t have to consult with anyone so I could put myself first, in the most loving way. 

And now, I see love everywhere, because it is everywhere.

The beauty is that the more I look for it, the more abundant and loved I feel. I have evidence of love all around me, in my experiences, in the mundane tasks of the day, and in my relationships. 

And call it woo-woo new-agey belief if you must, but on top of reframing my thoughts and focus, I truly believe (because I have experienced it) that the universe delivers that which we focus upon. If you focus on scarcity and longing, you get more scarcity and longing. If you focus on an abundance of love, you get more abundance of love in your life! 

The bottom line is this: If you’re looking for love, you must stop longing for love. 

Love is all around you if you allow yourself to see it, and allowing yourself to see it can only lead to one outcome: LOVE in your life.