For those of you who are done with dating, listen up. Dating can be hard. If we were meant to be living alone in isolation for the rest of our lives, the dating industry wouldn’t be making billions of dollars on people who are searching for love. So let’s admit it.
We want love. We need love.
So what happens when you’re ready to give up? You’ve had one too many heartbreaks. You loved someone (or many) who hurt you, lied to you, betrayed you. You’ve been on so many dates you can’t even count them, but they are all blurs of boring and fizzle, not spark and chemistry.
Sometimes its hard to keep going. Its hard to keep your heart and mind open to the possibility that you can find that perfect someone.
But wait. Giving up is the WORST thing you can do at this moment.
To prove this point, let’s look at how successful people reach their goals.
THEY NEVER GIVE UP.
Why do they never give up? Because they believe in their goal, and they trust that it will happen. Most people usually give up the moment before they are about to be successful. So how do you keep going when the urge is to throw your hands up in despair?
When a determined person realizes that their strategies and decisions aren’t moving them toward their goal, they change course.
However, changing course doesn’t mean that they give up on the final outcome. They just find another path to get there. And then another. And another. And another.
In dating terms, this looks like this:
You’ve gone on 20 dates. You’ve maybe had a few relationships of several months, but nothing sticks, and you want to find your life partner. You keep meeting people who are boring, dull, and don’t ignite the spark inside of you. Maybe you’ve had some horrible relationships that ruined your taste for love (but you know you still want it).
The unsuccessful decision would be to give up and tell yourself a story that you’ll never find love. You might harden your heart, or settle for an unfulfilling relationship that ends in another heartbreak. Or, you resolve to be the metaphorical cat lady or lonely bachelor.
Have you ever heard of Thomas Edison? He had several thousand attempts at the light bulb before he was successful.
How about Stephen King? His first novel was rejected 30 times.
Walt Disney was fired from a job for not being creative enough.
Are you getting the picture?
A successful dater would instead, do this:
They change their dating profile to reflect different parts of their personality to attract the right person. They try a different online dating site. They hire a matchmaker. They go to therapy or personal growth experiences to explore the deeper issues inside that are preventing them from finding love. They start searching for love in places where they can find people like them.
Bottom line: They never give up.
THEY ALSO KNOW THE TWO MILLIMETER RULE.
The reason why throwing in the towel is the worst decision you can make is because you may be one date away from success.
Usually, when you've been working toward a goal, but you haven’t met the final successful outcome yet, it doesn’t require massive changes or giving up altogether. It only requires small changes, and perseverance to perfect your skills and get to your outcome.
Here are some examples: Think of what it takes for a horse in the Kentucky Derby or a sprinter in the Olympics to win. Usually, the difference between first and second place is a fraction of a second, or literally, millimeters. The first place winner collects the gold, the money, and the prestige. The second place winner gets some reward and acknowledgement, but its nothing like first place. They might have missed the gold by two millimeters, but does that really make them any less excellent, in the grand scheme of things? Had they been a fraction of a second faster, they would have won.
What if you are two millimeters away from your dream partner?
Dating is no different from any other goal. It requires the same tenacity, belief, and feeling of complete certainty that you will find that perfect partner.
So, if you’re ready to give up, you might want to think twice. What if success was just one date away?
If you want to learn more about one man's quest to find his love, listen to my interview on Destination Love with Zack Oates, author of "Dating Never Works Until It Does. 100 Lessons from 1000 dates". This story will make you never, ever give up. Listen here.
*Article originally published on Digital Romance, Inc. by Chelli Pumphrey