Why I Couldn't Find The ONE

Are you waiting on your “One”? Do you ever wonder if you’re putting out the wrong signals to the Universe? Feeling a little hopeless when it comes to finding that perfect partner? Trust me…I can relate.

I spent at least one decade and half of another one, blind to what I was attracting in the love department. I kept attracting these men who devalued me….who disregarded my worth…who emotionally crippled me. 

The kicker: I was not a victim. I completely allowed it. I was aware of the dysfunction on a cognitive level, but I just couldn’t break loose of the emotional chains that bound me to these unhappy relationships. I was the one allowing this masochistic heart break. Seriously. True Story. 

Ok…let’s imagine a sexy Eddie Veder Pearl Jam singing in the background of my sad love story here…

“…She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man

She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man…”

You see, deep down inside, I believed I couldn’t do any better.  I believed I wasn’t worth the love I craved. I was relying on the crumbs of connection to fill my hunger, instead of the satiating fulfillment of true love. 

Well, I finally got a clue. I started looking in the mirror. I dug deep. I opened my heart wide open and learned how to love and accept myself. I looked those nasty, self-limiting beliefs in the eye and gave them a swift kick out the door. I embraced my perfect imperfections and my life became lighter. My shoulders lifted. My heart expanded. I raised my standards and started looking up for a man, instead of looking below me.

And the Universe delivered. Actually, it was a joint effort. The Universe just reflected back to me the level of love I was feeling for myself and for life. I started attracting a completely different type of man (and just people in general) into my life. 

I also became a better gardener, as in, I pull the weeds when they appear and only allow men who meet my new higher standards of love into my life.  

I share my story so that you know that I’ve been there. I am living proof of the power of our limiting, and usually very subconscious beliefs on our relationships.

We see what we expect to see. We allow what we believe we deserve. We resist that which we believe we can’t have. 

If you can relate to my story, pay attention to what the Universe is reflecting back to you. What kind of partners have you been attracting? Or, are you not attracting anyone? What are the thoughts and beliefs that you find yourself thinking on a regular basis? Some examples I hear frequently: “all of the good men are taken, women are drama queens, I can’t trust anyone, everyone rejects me”. Sound familiar? 

Where the focus goes, the energy flows. 

If you have beliefs like this, then I guarantee you, you’ll be looking for experiences to validate these beliefs. Is this because you’re a masochist? No. Its because you’re human, and we have a tendency to get stuck in our thoughts, no matter how unproductive they can be. When we get stuck in a certain thought pattern, because of a painful emotional experience we once had that created such thoughts, it can be difficult to break the pattern. So, you look for it. You expect it. You hate it, but you do it anyway. 

Its time to look in the mirror. 

You are not a victim. You are allowing these experiences because somewhere along the way you had an experience that created a belief that you somehow deserve this, or you can’t have better than this. The bottom line is that if you want to find your “One”, Its time for some self-acceptance. You are a mirror. The Universe will reflect back to you exactly what you believe and feel inside. 

When you love and accept yourself, you will attract partners who love and accept you. 

You must trust that who you are is imperfectly perfect, and that perfectly imperfect part of you is lovable. Your flaws and imperfections are a part of you to acknowledge, and never a part to hide. It is through loving and accepting yourself that you can learn to allow someone else to love and accept you. Have courage to be you and trust that in this courageous authenticity, love will find you.