Ahhh… the magic text… you know, the one that you’re waiting for to give you that reassurance that someone likes you?
You know the familiar scenario… you went on a few dates and your mind is spinning with questions and a desire to connect. You’re waiting for the text that will set your mind and heart at ease, and all you can do is stare at the phone. You just want to know if he’s into you. You want to text him or her, but, you have a familiar chorus of fears running through your head:
- I don’t want to look too needy.
- She’ll think I’m too much.
- Aren’t I supposed to let him pursue me?
- What if she doesn’t like me?
- I should play hard to get.
If you’re caught in the anxious trap of wondering if you should text someone, STOP now.
Here’s why: You have the answer.
It is not anything that should come from our culture, your girlfriends, wingmen, social media, or anyone else. You get to determine the type of contact that you want in a relationship.
What do you want in a relationship? Do you want a partner who keeps you guessing about their feelings and intentions? Do you want someone who doesn’t stay in contact with you? Or does it help you feel more secure when you have a partner who texts you frequently?
If you text a partner in a way that is in alignment with your communication and connection needs, you will find out quickly if he or she is a good match for you.
If you choose not to text because you fear what he or she will think, you are being inauthentic, and presenting yourself as someone who is not aligned with your true desires. If you want to find a partner who is the most compatible with you, you must find the courage to be transparent with your needs and desires.
Authentic communication (including a text!) requires fearless confidence in who you are.
If you fear that you’ll appear too “needy” or too forward just because you’re sending some text messages, then maybe its time to take a look at your self-worth. Not only that, but it could also be time to look at the cultural messages we have about being too “needy” or dependent on others. The truth is, many of us are wired to connect in this way, and acting against our instincts to connect can actually make us feel incredibly anxious.
If you are someone who prefers more text communication (and many of us do), there is NOTHING wrong with you.
The only problem with this type of communication pattern is finding someone who doesn’t share it with you. Not all people want distant, unreliable communication. And, if you're a woman thinking you should let him pursue you, remember that not all men think it’s wrong for a woman to text first. In fact, many men won’t even think twice about it.
We are all human, perfectly imperfect. If your date or partner doesn’t like who you are, or your texting too frequently, then it isn’t a reflection of your worth. It simply means that you are not a good match in your communication and connection needs. Without compatibility in these areas, you are off to a rocky start.
It’s simple. Have courage to be you and trust that in this courageous authenticity, love will find you.
Sending that text message could be the first step in finding the partner who knows exactly what you need.
*This article was originally published on Digital Romance, INC. by Chelli Pumphrey