So you’ve broken up with a partner, or perhaps, you were the one who was rejected. But now, he or she wants you back. Your broken heart is likely searching for comfort and hope that this time it could work, but you may be fearful of taking another chance. Your answer may not always be clear. Here are a few things to consider before you jump in for a second chance.
Know your WHY.
Are you clear on why this person deserves a second chance? If you truly believe that your relationship was a good one and worth another chance, then give it a go. But, if all you can remember is misery and hurt, then why return? Beware of thoughts like this; But he’s the best one I’ve dated so far…. There will be no one else like her… I don’t want to be single again…I’m too old to start dating again… etc. These are assumptions based on fear and they are not true.
If you’re just trying to avoid loneliness, SAY NO.
The loneliness after a breakup can be painful. This pain can make you vulnerable to return to a relationship that wasn’t good for you in the first place. Or, if your ex is trying to work their way back into your life, you might want to decipher if he or she wants you back for the same reason: to avoid their loneliness.
Ask questions and learn about how loneliness plays into his or her decision. Two people who weren’t doing well in a relationship can only stay together for so long. You might as well cut your losses and free yourself for a better relationship now if this is either person’s motivation.
The One Chance Rule
I love to use the One Chance Rule in situations like this. This means that if this is the first breakup you’ve had with this partner, and you believe there are some redeeming qualities of the relationship, it might be worth ONE chance. This does not mean two or three…It means ONE.
Having one big falling out might just be that….one big falling out, and then you can reconcile and have a great relationship. Sometimes its worth another chance. If you are in a relationship where you break up and reconcile repeatedly, get out now. This is not a healthy relationship, and it will likely end in heartbreak and regret that you didn’t leave the first time.
DON’T put your partner on the pedestal.
Do you find yourself idealizing your partner now that its over? This is common after a breakup, and especially if you were rejected. Let’s remember that NO ONE walks on water. Look at the bigger picture view of how you really felt when you were together. If you’re only focusing on the good memories and minimizing the bad, you’re not going to make a clear judgment call on whether or not you should rekindle this flame.
You are worthy.
If your ex doesn’t see your worth, he or she is not worth the second chance. Trust that there are many potential partners in the world who will recognize your worth, and would never let you slip out of their hands. Believing you are worth it will help you stand up to an ex who missed the piece about just how valuable you were!